“The Lonely Toil.”

"Loneliness And The Feeling Of Being Unwanted Is The Most Terrible Poverty." - Mother Teresa.

Below is an essay that I wrote. Please provide a critique and other thoughts - I'm very interested to know what else Mother Teresa has said about this.
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“The Lonely Toil.”
Written by Jessica Chao 1/1/09

As people rush to meet deadlines, attend meetings and doing errands in this time-poor society; who is there to attend to those who are lonely? Loneliness and the feelings of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty, indeed. We live busy lives attending to needs, rather than living the life of fulfilling relationships. Both loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted stems from the lack of love which is essential for our lives.

In my early years as a graduate, I have lived a lonely life working for investment banks where every second and every cent are highly valued figures. As I spent fourteen hours working from day to night at an efficient pace, I learnt to value these figures and evolved into a true investment banker working more than five days a week. Time passes by and I began to feel lonely, empty, and finally an urge to fill the void within my heart. I searched for remedies to remove this void; from shopping to entertainment and living a life of luxuries. Yet none of these were sufficient. Without realizing what I’m truly missing, I’m trapped in this downward spiral, unable to unveil my eyes.

However, I caught a glimpse of light from my long lost friends who acted like angels in disguise. In my weakness, their strength helped nurture my spirit and their abundant joy became my solace. Through their joy, I hoped to remove my loneliness. Soon I felt their light penetrate deep into my soul as my eyes were unveiled, being able to truly see the worth of life, love and relationships.

Oh how wonderful is the strength of love – it is a strong bond that is capable of healing loneliness and flourishes the individuals’ heart. Love is patient, love is kind, it cares more for others than for self and love doesn’t fear; for we willingly nestle in the comfort of love to enjoy its embrace.

I am now so blessed to have friendships that truly touch my life. My friends are so generous in their love, compassion, joy and laughter. They colour my world with a rainbow everyday and turn it upside down into an endless smile for me, expelling all traces of loneliness.

When I realized the worth of life, love and relationships; my values, priorities and lifestyle changed accordingly. To be able to share my time and my love is now a high priority, for it is the richest gift I can give to people. No longer do I toil without love, for what value does it bring if I profit money but lose my love, joy and become lonely? Indeed, loneliness is torturous; it is a poverty of emotions where the individual is unable to share feelings with other people. But as one reaches out to the lonely, the lonely will feel whole again.

My addiction

This is an adaption of Neyo's song because I'm officially addicted to God!

"Because of You"

Want to, but I can’t help it
I love the way it feels,
It’s got me stuck between my destiny and what is real
Sing to you when I want to, sing to you when I don’t
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday, knowin’ that I won't

[Bridge:]
I got a problem cos I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would ease but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of You, and I know this much is true
Jesus, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I’m filled with joy and I like it

[Chorus:]
And it’s all because of you [3X]
And it’s all because…
Never get enough,
He’s my glorious love.

[Verse 2:]
Think of You every second
I can't get nothing done,
Only concern is the next time, I’m gonna sing you songs
Know I shouldn’t steer away from, but gamsat’s creeping up
I try and try but my obsession wont let me be

[Bridge:]
I got a problem cos I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would ease but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of You, and I know this much is true
Jesus, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I’m filled with joy and I like it

[Chorus:]
And it’s all because of you (all because of you) [3X]
And it’s all because…
Never get enough,
He’s my glorious love

Ain’t no doubt, so strung out [2X]
Over you, over you, over you

Because of you,
And it’s all because of you,
Never get enough
He’s my glorious love, He’s my glorious love.

Love

A quote that I came across - not sure who wrote it!

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

God's Will and Free Will - Part 1

We talked a bit about God's will at the retreat yesterday. This led me to think about some questions that I had, and have had asked of me.

What is "God's will"? Is it some map or plan God has drawn up for my life, that I must follow? If so, how can I still have free will? What if I choose to do something that isn't on God's "map" for my life?

Firstly, the definition of the word "will". www.dictionary.com describes it as "to wish; desire; like". That works. So we are talking about what God wishes, or desires for me. "Wish" and "desire" aren't very forceful words... let's come back to this.

So what is it that God wishes for me? I believe that what God wishes and desires for each one of us is much bigger than whether or not I pass a test or get a job. God wants to love me, and for me to allow myself to be loved by Him. God wants to spend eternity loving me. That is what God wills for me - and for every single one of us.

Using the "map" analogy, God's Will is the destination, the ending location. He wants us to end up in heaven with Him. I don't think that he has the path to the end location mapped out for us - we make choices along the way when we come to crossroads, which way to go. This is where free will comes in.

Because God has given us free will, he gives us a choice - to choose Him or to choose "not" Him. By giving me this choice, our ever loving God - who is pure Love - renders Himself vulnerable to me rejecting Him and the love that He offers.

Love makes the lover vulnerable; and so our God - the One who taught the sun where to stand in the morning, and the oceans how far how far it can go - surrenders His power and might, and hands His heart over to me to do with it as I want. I can choose to cradle it or to crush it.

This also means that even though God is God, contrary to popular belief, He doesn't always get His way/get what He wants. He could force things and make things go His way if He wanted, but that isn't the way that our God, or how Love works. Love that isn't freely given isn't love at all.

So at the end of the day, my God is my lover, waiting and longing for me to reciprocate His love... hoping and wishing that I won't scorn Him, or throw everything He's done to woo me back in His face.

Father,

I thank you for everything you have ever done for me. Thank you for creating me and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being so patient with me while I learn to accept myself and open myself up to you - please help me to see myself through Your eyes so that I can understand why You look at me and say "it is good".

Please continue to be with me so that I learn to desire what You desire, and will what You will. May I be Your hands and voice, so that Your Will will come about in the world.

I pray this through your Son Jesus.