My addiction

This is an adaption of Neyo's song because I'm officially addicted to God!

"Because of You"

Want to, but I can’t help it
I love the way it feels,
It’s got me stuck between my destiny and what is real
Sing to you when I want to, sing to you when I don’t
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday, knowin’ that I won't

[Bridge:]
I got a problem cos I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would ease but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of You, and I know this much is true
Jesus, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I’m filled with joy and I like it

[Chorus:]
And it’s all because of you [3X]
And it’s all because…
Never get enough,
He’s my glorious love.

[Verse 2:]
Think of You every second
I can't get nothing done,
Only concern is the next time, I’m gonna sing you songs
Know I shouldn’t steer away from, but gamsat’s creeping up
I try and try but my obsession wont let me be

[Bridge:]
I got a problem cos I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would ease but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of You, and I know this much is true
Jesus, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I’m filled with joy and I like it

[Chorus:]
And it’s all because of you (all because of you) [3X]
And it’s all because…
Never get enough,
He’s my glorious love

Ain’t no doubt, so strung out [2X]
Over you, over you, over you

Because of you,
And it’s all because of you,
Never get enough
He’s my glorious love, He’s my glorious love.

God's will

GOD'S WILL

I look to the left
and look to the right
no friend beside me
no end in sight

the road is long
the going tough
the heat is burning
the ground is rough

yet no evil will i fear
though doubts assail me
though inner voices cry
and rail and betray me

how could God be this way?
how could He let this be?
why am i in such a bind?
is he, God, out of his mind?

ask not why
but understand
reads a sign by the Spirit
written in the sand

MAKTUB. It is written, so the Alchemist said,
It is God's will.
God's will that you make it alive
much rather than dead.

and so His will unfolded
and i slowly understood
that my path had been made easy
guided and good

so i thanked him heartily
and gave him a smile
and stopped by to linger
and listen a while

to the sounds of laughter
from heaven above
of songs of joy and happiness
and the peace of the Dove

refreshed i continued
taking stride by stride
with newfound interest
and newfound pride

and i know that this journey
when the day is done
will find me in heaven
with the loving Three-in-One

God's Will and Free Will - Part 2

I split this post into a number of parts because this topic is really close to my heart and I could write so much about it... better that these be split up into separate posts that can be read on their own rather than one long essay.

The first part was my reflections on the bigger picture of how it was possible that God's will and our free will can co-exist. In this part I wanted to share my thoughts on practically, how I imagine these to actually work together. I will then post a third part on what exactly I think God's will is and how to apply it in our daily lives.

I pray that these thoughts will help you in growing closer to God - I found that figuring this out helped me to rely more on God and put more trust to Him! =)

============================

I imagine my life to be a journey towards some final destination. Visually, it might look like a map, with me travelling between two dots. I imagine that God desires that I will end my journey with Him in heaven - this is God's will/plan for my life.

I imagine that I have been given the chance to make my journey between my starting point and the end point however I like - and also to choose where I end up. If God had his way then I would travel in a straight line between my starting point (birth?) to my final destination - which He hopes will be heaven.

Because I am human and often make the wrong choices, I often stray from the path that he hopes I will walk - which probably would be the most suitable/easiest path for me. I choose to turn left when he hopes I will turn right, I don't move when I should, or I turn around and go back in the same way that I came when He hopes I will move forward. Because of this, my life seems to be full of challenges and suffering - and so much of the time I blame God for putting these roadblocks in my journey.

Little do I know that every time i made a wrong turn, He reoriented everything in the map so that I still have the best chance at getting to my final destination. Every time I stop when I'm meant to move, or move when I'm not supposed to, He adjusts everything so that my chances of ending up with Him are not jeopardised. How can He do this? Short answer - because He is God.

I believe He is able to do this because I believe 'linear' time (past, present, future) is a human concept. Because we are human, we have to do one thing after the other and can't go back or jump into the future. However God isn't human, and He isn't bound by time. Everything in our lives happens at the same point for Him. My being born, my wedding, my first step, the day I die, my graduatiion... it's all happening for him right NOW. And so, He is able to adjust my map while I am making the very choice that throws me off course.

Another way to think about it is in terms of how well He knows me. God is my Father, my creator, my God. He knows every hair on my head, every thought that has gone through/is going through/will go through my mind. He can 'predict' what I will choose, given a certain situation because of how well He knows me. Because of this, He can alter situations or put me in situations that will maximise my chances of ending up with Him.

(For example, my friends know that my favourite colour is purple. Given the chance to choose between anything purple and grey, they know that I will choose the purple, even before I have made the decision. God is like my friend, except He knows me that much more intimately.)

Does this mean we are manipulated by God? Are we pawns in His 'chess' game? Are we powerless and will He always win? I don't believe so. The most that God will do is put us in situations that will give us a better chance of being with Him. He won't ever make us choose in a certain way - because God is Love, and love is not manipulative nor forceful. God wants us to end up with Him because we want to be there, not because we have been told we 'must' be there.

And I can say with certainty that God, even though He is God, doesn't always get what He wants! He leaves Himself vulnerable to our choices, hoping and waiting ever so patiently that we will choose Him. And that's why the kingdom of heaven is like the father who rejoices over the return of a lost son, like the woman who celebrates when she finds her lost penny, or the shepherd who leoaves his 99 sheep to find the 1 who has gone astray.

God's Will and Free Will - Part 1

We talked a bit about God's will at the retreat yesterday. This led me to think about some questions that I had, and have had asked of me.

What is "God's will"? Is it some map or plan God has drawn up for my life, that I must follow? If so, how can I still have free will? What if I choose to do something that isn't on God's "map" for my life?

Firstly, the definition of the word "will". www.dictionary.com describes it as "to wish; desire; like". That works. So we are talking about what God wishes, or desires for me. "Wish" and "desire" aren't very forceful words... let's come back to this.

So what is it that God wishes for me? I believe that what God wishes and desires for each one of us is much bigger than whether or not I pass a test or get a job. God wants to love me, and for me to allow myself to be loved by Him. God wants to spend eternity loving me. That is what God wills for me - and for every single one of us.

Using the "map" analogy, God's Will is the destination, the ending location. He wants us to end up in heaven with Him. I don't think that he has the path to the end location mapped out for us - we make choices along the way when we come to crossroads, which way to go. This is where free will comes in.

Because God has given us free will, he gives us a choice - to choose Him or to choose "not" Him. By giving me this choice, our ever loving God - who is pure Love - renders Himself vulnerable to me rejecting Him and the love that He offers.

Love makes the lover vulnerable; and so our God - the One who taught the sun where to stand in the morning, and the oceans how far how far it can go - surrenders His power and might, and hands His heart over to me to do with it as I want. I can choose to cradle it or to crush it.

This also means that even though God is God, contrary to popular belief, He doesn't always get His way/get what He wants. He could force things and make things go His way if He wanted, but that isn't the way that our God, or how Love works. Love that isn't freely given isn't love at all.

So at the end of the day, my God is my lover, waiting and longing for me to reciprocate His love... hoping and wishing that I won't scorn Him, or throw everything He's done to woo me back in His face.

Father,

I thank you for everything you have ever done for me. Thank you for creating me and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being so patient with me while I learn to accept myself and open myself up to you - please help me to see myself through Your eyes so that I can understand why You look at me and say "it is good".

Please continue to be with me so that I learn to desire what You desire, and will what You will. May I be Your hands and voice, so that Your Will will come about in the world.

I pray this through your Son Jesus.